If I find out that ClubLink Corporation is having a sale of previously-owned golf balls (are we allowed to say “used” anymore?), I plan to write Charles Lorimer a sternly-worded letter.
The congenial vice president of sales and marketing for ClubLink came up with the bright idea of having media hacks play from the gold tees during the Canadian Golf Media Championship at Glen Abbey on Monday.
The golds come in around 6,900 yards, which is the minimum the Abbey will be played at when the RBC Canadian Open takes place a couple of weeks hence.
The rough was about four inches and word is that a search party has been dispatched to find a couple of my vertically-challenged colleagues, who may still be lost among the blades that comprised a mini-jungle thanks to all the rain in the area this year.
In other words, conditions were perfect for a beating of the media, a group that thinks a “round” is something they get when it’s their turn to buy and “fore” is the number of ales that’s required.
There are a couple of reasons why Lorimer would inflict such pain.
The first could be that he’s put off by the motley crew that invaded the Abbey, but that doesn’t make sense since ClubLink employs the “Senator”, John Gordon, who led the way in media distastefulness before becoming the corporation’s communications dude and Lorimer’s henchman in this nefarious plot.
So, all I can think of is that Lorimer wanted to draw golfers into ClubLink shops with an attractive sale, without having to invest in product. What better way to do that than put a bunch of hacks on a souped-up Canadian Open course and let them fill the river, woods and rough with potential inventory?
As anybody who has suffered through 18 holes with me will attest, I made a significant contribution to Charles’ ill-gotten booty. Pride prevents me from disclosing the actual number, but I did have the consolation of hearing afterwards that I wasn’t the only one going home with a considerably lighter bag.
When ClubLink sends out its employees to scour the woods and water for wayward balls, I suggest that they try the valley holes first. The fact that I staggered to the finish on the 14th hole in this shotgun start keeps the memory fresh in my mind a couple of days later.
Lorimer’s stated intention was that he wanted the media to experience the Abbey under Open conditions and if, in fact, there were no other dastardly intentions, he certainly can be assured that many went home with refreshed perspective of what PGA Tour players face.
Years of covering professional golf tends to make someone jaded. It’s not as if the media doesn’t know the high level of golf it is covering, but every now and again, it’s a good thing to get a taste of what faces tour players on any given week.
Due to the sore back I’m still experiencing, I will never complain again about tour players taking too much time off — oh, who am I kidding? I will so, but I’ll just do it nicer.
However, Monday’s experience was well-timed with a summer full of competitive golf coming up, including the Canadian PGA Seniors’ Championship taking place in Ottawa starting tomorrow (see the story in News Now).
The Abbey shuts down next Tuesday to prepare for the Open, but I can truly say that it’s ready now. I just hope the PGA Tour doesn’t demand they cut down the rough too much in its site inspection.
So, Mr. Lorimer got his message across and it was emphatic. It was hardly tour-calibre golf played at the Abbey on Tuesday, but it definitely was a tour-calibre golf course, but I did notice something interesting as I staggered into the clubhouse for dinner as the sun set.
The Abbey’s golf shop was already closed.
Could they possibly have been preparing in the dark for a big sale of previously-owned golf balls?